then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
