i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
