im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
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