phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
