I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
