what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
