people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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