The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
