There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
