So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
