I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
