We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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