I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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