i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
