There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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