All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
