i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
