You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
