fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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