We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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