I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
