I'm gonna have a badass scar
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
