That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
