I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
