I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
