Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
