I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I lost the right to judge tonight
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
