She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
