He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
