So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
