I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
