at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
