There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
well, you know. whores of a feather.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
