Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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