i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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