why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
