The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
