I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
