Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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