PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
