I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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