I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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