is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
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