she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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