thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
