My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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