Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
