Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
