Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
