dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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