Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
this just has baby written all over it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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