After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
