I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
