Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
