Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
