some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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