i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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