His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
