Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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