A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
