i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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