my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
