Me. At least after what I've been through.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
