Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
