Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
