Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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