he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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