Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
